Sharon Mcdowell, 38 years old
What a neighborhood! These men have told lies to friends and family members, attempted to blackmail their former spouses by threatening to spread vicious lies about them, stolen money from them, tried to turn children against their mothers, become explosively angry, even physically violent when challenged, and have uniformly laid blame for the failure of the marriage at the feet of the ex-wife. She is, in fact, a quite devoted and capable mother while he consistently manipulates their children with gifts to enlist sympathy on his side but will also dump them on their mother during his custodial days whenever he happens to have a date. The word I use to describe them is reptilian: At the same time, I feel that I do understand their psychology and what drives them. For the vindictive narcissist, the subject pain is a profound and quite literally unbearable sense of shame. He has so thoroughly defended against this shame the felt knowledge of internal defect that he has no conscious awareness of it.
Narcissistic men and women cannot sustain authentic relationships in dating after divorcing a narcissist or as parents. They act out, having multiple affairs, mistresses, girlfriends, boyfriends, secretly on the side. They have no shame about their reprehensible, destructive behaviors. If they have power in the world and are venerated publicly as high level executives, part of the entertainment and social elite, they get away with it. These days, living in a narcissistic society, most people shrug about these matters. The narcissistic man or woman has a severe personality disorder that is not going to change. There is no motivation to become different since the narcissist believes that he is perfect and every one else falls short. After causing horrific trauma to a wife or husband and children who have been abandoned, he moves on to re-invent himself and re-burnish his image.
You are painfully discovering that the man you married is not only a narcissist, he is a sociopath. This post applies to male and female sociopaths. He had all of the qualities that you had been searching for. He was confident, intelligent, successful, good looking, socially skilled. There was a part of you that said:
Dating after divorcing a narcissist
More about dating after divorcing a narcissist:
Then, I had to take kid one to school and came home again, a little mellowed out. The Narc apologized hah and I got to doing some research. I found my answer from others who have lived with Narcs longer than even I have, children of narcissistic parents my heart goes out to you all! Mine included…. Turns out, I really am the perfect narcissistic supply. Once the Narc no longer can control my emotions, I can use them to cut him down. A Narcissist survives by eliciting a reaction from you, usually sadness or anger.
I have approached this from a females perspective, as that is what I am and what I have been dealing with in my husband. Second, they are masters at appearing normal to the therapist. Often, if a couple is in therapy, the narcissist can put on such a great show that their partner ends up looking like they are the problem, and the therapist, if not knowledgeable about narcissism, will not see the real issue. Compounding the problem is the fact that the diagnostic definition of Narcissism is fairly subjective. And for victims of a narcissist, who have been brainwashed into thinking their relationship is fine and THEY are the problem, they may not be able to see their partners behaviors clearly identified in the following definition. Narcissists will do everything they can to woo you. You may think you have found the perfect prince charming.
Note from Tina: THIS is what is happening in my life! Parenting with a Narcissist After Divorce: Not likely.